Listening

As kids, whenever we got sunburnt, our mom would send us out to cut off a piece of the Aloe Vera plant.  It smelled gross and it was slimy.  But it was the best remedy.  She would remove the outer layer and then rub it over our bunt skin.  It always made us shiver, even in the summer.

“It draws out the heat,” she would always say.  That was a concept that I didn’t understand at the time.  Since then my paradigm had shifted and I see things in a way that it now makes sense.

Think of it this way.  Cold is empty and hot is full.  If you want something to be less hot you need to remove something.  And where would you put it?  Into something that has the space to receive it, something empty.  So if you put something cold next to something hot there will be a transfer.  The cold object will take as much as it can hold and then take no more.  Conversely to make something hot you must fill it up, with heat.

Listening can be understood in the same terms.  Those who talk have something they are trying to transfer.  They are full.  Listeners are the people have who made the space to receive.  They are empty.

Listeners have the ability to make space for what others want to say.  They let it fill them and in the process they heal, empathize, and sort out.  They can give feedback and act as a sounding board that will let others gain new perspective.

Some people never clear out the space within themselves to have the room to be an effective listener.  When they need to fain listening they effectively compress what fills them to make a small corner of space that they can fill.  But the act of squeezing creates high pressure and they can only listen for so long before they have to relieve the pressure by spewing back, often at the one they are supposed to be listening to.

I am saddened when I see those who never learn how to clear them selves out, never able to really listen for the sake of another person.  It is also sad to see how they use anyone who will give space to accept their offloading.  It is selfish and shortsighted and it doesn’t consider that sometimes it’s all right to let there be silence without having to fill it with noise.