On Being a Twin

Yesterday someone asked me a question that I have heard many, many times.  He did so with a preface that he hoped it was not a stupid question.  It was not a stupid question, though the commonly assumed answer is silly.

He asked, a little sheepishly, if there was a way to tell me and my twin brother apart.  Of course there is, many have mastered it.  If that weren’t the case how could I ever have friends?  Isn’t part of friendship knowing someone and yet loving them?  And that right there is the answer.  If you want to be able to tell me apart from my twin, then you must know me.  But getting to know someone takes time and energy.  Many look for the simple way out, the panacea of sorts for the sickness called twins.  That hope in the easy distinction of twins in the form of a specific and reliable difference in appearance is the stupid assumed answer to the question I was asked, how do I tell you apart?

Obviously twins are distinct individuals.  But the problem is that, unlike regular people, they look alike.  Ironically the solution is sought in the problem.  There must be some way in which they don’t look alike.  What, then, is that difference?

It seems silly to rely so heavily on looks as the distinction of individuals.  How inconsistent that is with other friends.  Do you only recognize a friend if they are visible?  No, there are other ways—voice, tone, and manner of speaking, just to name a few.  After all there are authors whose style is so distinctive that words on a page are enough to identify them.

There it is.  If you want to know which twin is which, you first must know them.  When I am asked if there is a way to tell me and my brother apart, my answer depends on who is asking.  If I think they are sincere and willing to learn I will tell them that they just need get to know us, really only one too.  If someone knows me they will also know when it’s not me and therefore my twin.  But mostly they are not invested.  They don’t really care and are simply looking for an easy out to what they consider a problem, two people that look too much alike for comfort.  To those people I say there is no way to tell us apart.  And for them it’s true.