Fall is here. And so is mine. My downfall rather. I found something out about myself today. The kind of thing that would better remain unknown, elusive or hidden in the shadows. I am unfaithful.
I walked out the door this morning at 10:30. It took less than a hundredth of a second to realize that the air was different. I was expecting a welcome from a constant friend. Everyday that friend had been outside to greet me as I went about life. I had grown accustomed to the consistency. It was a part of me.
And then this morning, no friend. Summer, that has greeted me daily was not around. The heat, the bright sun, the smell and feel—gone. In place of summer was something altogether different. I knew it by the feelings invoked. Autumn.
Then I found that I was happy for the arrival of fall. The sun was still shining and the air had a new quality and a new smell. I liked it. I found myself excited for the change. I looked forward to what fall had to offer. But then came the guilt.
I love summer. Sumer
If summer is my love then autumn must be my mistress. Exciting for the moment and yet wrong. I knew that summer would leave to spend time in the south, for me it would end. I felt remorse even while I enjoyed the last of the season because I knew it was soon to end. But shouldn’t I be mourning now? Isn’t it too soon to find a replacement that makes me laugh and smile? I’m sure there will be the inevitable awkward moment when summer shows up again for one last goodbye before leaving for good. In a few days summer will be back and fall will skitter off to a safe distance. What will I say? “Oh, it’s you. Why are you back? No, I’m not disappointed to see you. Yes I still love you.” Pause. “But there is someone else…No, nothing like you. Not better. Just different.”
Summer, I love you. If I could keep you here I would. But I know you have to leave. You always do. And you leave fall. You know I can never really be happy with fall. Fall’s friend winter is always close behind and I don’t like winter at all. Winter and I have never gotten along. We just are too different. I have tried to change, but it’s never enough. Winter is cold and heartless, unchanging. But I’ll put up with winter so that I will be ready and appreciate summer when it again returns.
Until then summer, know that my heart is yours.
1 comment:
I did not know you had a blog. I thoroughly enjoyed reading that. Thanks for the fun read and lift in my day. It was needed.
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